It is kind of sad to think about how good I am at it…the letting go.
It’s not easy. Not at all.
I often wonder about what triggers someone to think of someone else so strongly, they have to reach out to them.
I’m not talking about a mother calling a daughter for an afternoon chat, or a friend confirming plans for later in the week. I’m not even talking about people that remember that long lost study buddy from 8th grade. That is normal. In today’s society, it is damn near expected.
I am questioning what triggers an ex to reach out and contact someone they were once in a relationship with.
An Open Letter to You:
You almost had me. Almost.
For a quick moment, it almost felt like old times again. But…
What is done in that late, private, dark night…
The things you do on one end…
While on the other you whisper sweet nothings in my ear…
Rest assured that at some point in time the sun will spill the brightest of light on you.
And it did.
The dark of a moonless night betrayed you and exposed you down to the messy, ugly middle.
The middle I needed to see…needed.
They say the universe sends you signs.
I thank the universe for that fucking U-Turn it dropped in my face.
Oh, sweetie…you almost had me.
I think I need to revise my internal list of standards when it comes to a significant other.
I never really had an actual list, per say. It has always just been a mental checklist I quickly run through my head when talking to someone I potentially will want to talk to more than once and on an intimate level.
Likes dogs? Check.
Knows the proper use of you’re and your? Check and check.
Understands my need for personal space on Thursday nights during my ShondaLand shows? Check. An exception can be made if potential significant other also watches and enjoys ShondaLand shows as intensely as I do.
Of course, those are just a few things on my mental checklist. I mean, we all have standards so I don’t believe that it makes me out to be too much of a bitch because I have certain wants in a person.
If a person can refuse to date someone because they are bigger than a size 2, then I can refuse to date someone because they talk during The Walking Dead.
Okay? Okay. Continue reading
The moment someone slips away from you is not always a dramatic one. It can be quiet and gentle like a silent breeze you aren’t quite sure you felt. The realization of those moments, I think, are the saddest and also the hardest.
Do you quickly reach out and try to yank back everything you are watching slip away? Do you see how far it will go before they notice what is happening and return to you? Do you put a hand out and give them a choice to come back, no questions asked? Do you even care that it is happening? What does that say about you if you don’t?
What happens if they are thinking the same thoughts you are, asking themselves the same questions and waiting to see if you make the move to bring it up? Does it make you a bad person if you just don’t care anymore?
The moment you notice someone slipping away can be as simple as looking at the time. Looking at the time and realizing that the person you never go without speaking to at least every few hours has not contacted you since earlier that morning. This matters because this is not a one time thing, this has been a growing trend for a few months now. The conversations are further between, they are shorter…different, like friends and nothing more. Just. Friends. Even friends could be too strong a word for these types of conversations, they become more like acquaintance type of talks. Small talk.
“It’s raining today,” says one.
“Oh really? It’s been sunny all day here,” answers the other.
Literally conversations about the weather.
Sparse phone calls are filled with long silent moments.
And then that moment comes at 2:45 in the morning and you realize a whole day has passed and you haven’t spoken to them all day. Neither of you made that move to make the effort. Neither of you have extended that hand out, offering the chance that either of you care.
And then the saddest moment comes; the moment you would rather make a blog post than reach out to the one you have felt slipping away.