Been a minute since I have posted on here, lol. Any followers left?
Well, if so, Merry Christmas…Happy Holidays…and all of that jazz.
This year, I think I have forgotten about Christmas all month. Hell, I forgot about my birthday at the beginning of the month until a friend of mine called me to sing, “Happy Birthday.”
Apparently, my mind has been elsewhere.
It just really hasn’t felt like Christmas this year. Not one bit. I don’t know if it is some mild depression, or just a lack of spirit. I read a quote somewhere, or maybe on someone’s Twitter that said: “It stops feeling like Christmas at some point for everyone; it’s called growing up.”
I refuse to believe that. I do understand that Santa doesn’t exist (or does he?), and that he didn’t eat the cookies I left out for him as a kid. I just, I don’t know…
I was born and raised here in North Carolina, so I never associated Christmas with snow and sub-zero temperatures. But, it would be at least a little nippy outside. This year? Christmas Eve will be a high of 81 degrees and humid. Christmas Day, in the upper 70’s. It seems like no one has put any lights up around the city. I haven’t even been in the mood to listen to Mariah Carey this year, and trust me, that is a BIG DEAL. I could listen to her sing “O Holy Night” in the middle of a 150 degree heatwave in the middle of June on the beach.
This year has just been different.
I’ve loved, and I’ve lost. I’ve gained new friendships and reconnected with old friends. I have also lost some friends along the way.
I gained a new good job, and then I lost it. I’ve found myself, and lost myself numerous times this year. I’ve tried, and I have failed but a few things I have won.
I never make New Year’s resolutions. Mainly because I am the one that never finishes anything, and I hate setting myself up for failure.
But this year, right before that clock strikes midnight, I want to promise myself at least one thing:
To be a better me. Take this year, harness all of the ups and downs, and go with it. Try harder to not let the downs knock me under the floor. Be the me that everyone else says they can see. Be the me that I promised myself I would be by this age. Make goals, even if they are small, and keep them. God, fight for them. Be ruthless with myself to force myself to be better than the shell I see myself as most of the time. Just do better, Christine. Do better. Be better. No matter what.
That’s what I want to promise myself for the coming year.
I hope all who are reading this have the happiest of holidays.