Please add a spot for the dinosaurs on your ark, Noah. Thanks.


I am not the most religious person out there. I am spiritual but many a moon ago, I pushed organized religion out the door.

I had a serious issue with the fact that a church I attended for five years collected a building fund every week, yet they couldn’t even get a door painted.


Me: Preacher –omitting name here-, where are the dinosaurs in the Bible? I mean, there’s bones and stuff so clearly they were here…I just never see them in the Bible?

Preacher Name Omitted: Well, dinosaurs never existed.

Me: Okay. That sounds fake…but okay…

Preacher Name Omitted: The dinosaur bones were placed on Earth by the Devil to test us and make us question God.

Me: O…kay. Still sounds fake…but okay.

And I never went back. Because bones…evolution…Darwin…stuff.

I am going to call that little diddy: Intro to Southern Baptist Basics

Anyways, back to my point.

I don’t go to church. But dammit, ya’ll, I might have to enter the doors of someone’s holy house this coming Sunday because…


Excuse my swearing right after mentioning church and stuff (for any of my super religious maybe readers, I am pretty sure you aren’t even reading this far after motherfucking…but you know…*curtsies*)

As some of you may or may not know, God and Mother Nature have apparently chosen North and South Carolina as their collaborative test run of 40 Days and 40 Nights Part II. Two weeks. Two. Fucking. Weeks. Of nothing but rain and cloudy skies and rain and more rain and windy rain and cold rain and then hot rain and then a thunder rain and night rain and day rain and rainrainrainrinsljbipubfv9oubweipbfv.

And let me go ahead and stop the “oh in (insert random region/country/state name here) we call that (insert random season or month here)” people right now. That’s the point. This is not where you live. I live in North Carolina where the summers are hot and humid, the fall time is hot, the winter time borders between warm and cold, then we have Christmas, and then it’s cold as Elsa’s tits for a few weeks, and then Spring comes and we get a few weeks of nice weather. Then the cycle starts again.

We are not used to paddle boating down the damn road to get to the store. And this has been the stupidest weather I have seen in a few years. I know that South Carolina has gotten it worse than us in NC, but tell that to the two rooms that flooded when the dam from the lake around the corner decided it was going to retire in the middle of Noah’s Ark Test Run 2015.

But glory be to the heavens above, the sun is coming tomorrow.

I may actually cry like for real damn tears.

And I really am keeping SC in my prayers because this has been a bunch of bullshit for the past couple of weeks.

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